Since people here are very much interested in things holistic, searches, journeys and goals, and all that good stuff, I don't want to imply that I'm insensitive to that aspect of life, just because I focus on fiddling and my day to day life.

I've read some about "Non-dualistic psychotherapy," and I know some people here have  ties to those approaches and ways of thinking; and I respect that. I admit that the idea of 'the self" can be limiting and misleading as we go through life. Although I'm out on a little bit of an intellectual limb discussing this, I interpret these ideas to mean that we should allow people to envision themselves as part of a larger reality, and that the "non-dualism" refers to the "I and thou" dualism.

If I understand that correctly, I find that my Adlerian training provides a framework that allows for it. Some of the more hard-headed, Penn-and-Teller-ish people in my own field (Jack Trimpey and Albert Ellis come to mind) dismiss anything "transpersonal" as being unscientific, unprovable, and misleading when it comes to the business of daily living. In some respects, I would tend to agree with them. I like to focus on what works. But I have to respect the mindset that tries to think outside the box, as well.

I'd tend to put the "I and thou" dualism -- as well as the lack of the same -- under the headings of "fictions." To understand this, I go back to Hans Vaihinger, who strongly influenced Alfred Adler, and who first came up with the idea of "fictional finalism." This is behind the Adlerian therapy technique of acting "as-if" (not quite the same as "fake it till you make it," but close enough). It's also close to the phenomenological psychology approach that says we live in a world of subjective interpretations, rather than a hard reality.

So the self is a hypothetical construct. A useful fiction, at least most of the time. It comes in handy on Election Day, for one thing. Keeps things from getting out of hand.

But transcending the self, or dismissing conventionality, is also a hypothetical construct, a fiction if you will. It can be useful some of the time, too, but I think we need to be a little cautious..

When I was 16 years old, I had my one and only experience with hallucinogenic drugs, having taken what I believe was LSD while with some friends. It was not a good experience, and I wound up falling and injuring myself in a panic-stricken attempt to flee the situation. Part of the panic was the sudden and unexpected loss of the sense of self. Sensory input with no self to serve as backdrop became meaningless -- just so much frightening noise. Purposive behavior became impossible. The time distortions and visual distortions became secondary in the absence of the "carrier wave" or organizing principle of "me." A shot of Thorazine (treatment of choice in those days) administered as part of the first aid didn't exactly solve the problem - it partially returned my sense of self, but I started believing that I'd become unmoored from my physical body and was inhabiting fictional surroundings in my own imagination, kind of like the guy in John Varley's "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank." I got my being back, but not being-in-the-world. Until it all wore off, anyway. That, my friends, was a bad trip.

(Funny, back in those days they always called it "coming down," but for me the experience was more like coming slowly back "up" into normal reality from some hellish, subterranean place. Oh well. Kids: don't do drugs.)

So while mystics and practioners of Eastern traditions can find value in transcending the self, and ordinary reality, and letting go of the "illusions" of daily life, we have to accept the fact that those "illusions," and that organizing backdrop, are part of what being human is all about. Some thinkers, in the '60's and '70's especially, portrayed the villians as culture, and cultural constructs. That may be, and the question has made for some pretty entertaining SF books, from "Stranger in a Strange Land" to some of  Varley's other, more gender-, mind-, and anatomy-bending excursions. (And whoever wrote that book  - was it "James Tiptree, Jr"? -  about the lesbian-only space colony where men were feared and loathed, and described as 'peckish.") And the dissolution of "self" as a frightening yet somehow intriguing prospect was admirably described in Greg Bear's "Blood Music."

And Don Juan seemed to have a lot more fun with hallucinogens than I did; pretty entertaining, he was.

But I digress.

My point was that illusions can be healthy. A number of studies of depressed people have found that they're actually more realistic in their appraisal of their circumstances than non-depressed people are. Happiness research has found the same thing. Living with the illusion that life is meaningful, predictable, safe, and civilized makes it easier to get through the week. The shattering of those illusions is a big part of what PTSD is all about. (the rest is probably instant neural flash-programming). One therapy technique I was trained in, EMDR, actually functions by "installing" what can really be regarded as replacement illusions in the person's mind. (They can be summed up as, "I'm going to be OK").

Life keeps getting better. People are good and will treat you well. Even "do unto others." They're all fictions, but pretty useful ones.

So as a therapist I just want to be sure that trading one set of illusions for another always keeps a set of adaptive and healthy ones in play, whether they're traditional or non-traditional.

So I guess "I" will keep on exchanging thoughts and ideas with those of "You" who are interested, and we'll keep stretching our minds and our perceptions, and in the process probably hang onto enough of our illusions not to get totally adrift in a pseudo-universe of perceived reality.

Now it's time for me to go vote for that dumpy, fat woman in the ugly shorts who keeps wagging her head with her mouth hanging open when she speaks, and who isn't capable of rational thought. At least that's what her opponent's commercials (Airing day and night for the past six months) would have us believe.

I did a blog on AOL but I don't think anyone ever read it. So here I had seven views. (probably two of them are my own views). And one comment. So I'm off and blogging. Next time I sit down and write I'll have a different topic.I know I should talk about something more spiritual than ADHD or fiddling, although fiddling can be unearthly (at least the way I do it).

I did get into a group to play music with, and we'll be getting together November 11th. The guy I talked to in setting this up actually went to the same high school I did, although he was two years behind me and I never knew him there. But it's a small world. Especially where my brother-in-law is concerned. He was the musical matchmaker on this deal, since he works with the guy... We joke that we can't go anyplace with my brother-in-law without having him run into someone he knows within ten minutes. Did you ever know someone like that? it's funny and a little weird. But some people seem to have social magnetism.

Anyway, it'll be great to have someone to jam with. Haven't done that since college.

I did two things on Friday last week - I attended a regional meeting of my fellow employee assistance professionals, where a psychiatrist we work with often gave a talk about adult attention-deficit disorder. After that (and a lot of phone calls and other busy-ness) my wife and I went to a concert by Beausoleil at a local community college. So I went into the weekend with a set of questions about the possibility that I might have a touch of ADD.

I've wondered this before, especially while I was on my internship and my fellow intern accused me of having ADD. But I also have a history of unfinished projects - it's a standing joke in my family that I purposely don't quite finish a project, like the deck I built five years ago in the backyard that still lacks spindles on the step rail on just one side.

Then there's the checking account situation. I used to be pretty good about balancing the checkbook, but that was back when we usually had just enough to pay the bills (or a little less) while our kids were growing up, and bad things would happen if we overdrew. Now we have online bill payments and automatic debits, and if we overdraw it just charges us interest instead of the other way around. Put those together with the fact that we make better salaries now and don't have so many expenses now that all three of our kids are grown and have their own jobs, and we just sort of glance at the online balance once in awhile and make sure we have enough of a cushion to not worry about overdrafts. As a result, I haven't balanced the checking account in years.

I guess a lot of other people have made similar shifts in recent years. but then there's the piles o'paper that gather at home and work. I really hate paper. I wish I could abide by all those organizational gurus who advise us to handle each piece of paper only once. But the nature of my job means that I often print out a sheet to remind myself to follow up on something later, when the phone isn't ringing so much. Then, every few days, I have to move the papers to make room on my desk, and I shuffle and reshuffle them until I end up with a biig pile that's about 30% things that are already done, 30% things that are important and need follow up, and 30% that could probably use some follow-up if I was really diligent, but if I don't do anything, it's probably OK.

I subscribed to a newsletter from the Motley Fool on planning for retirement, and it's full of really good tips. But there it is - more paper.

My siblings and I just finished clearing out my mom's apartment after she had to move to an assisted living facility, and we found so much "stuff" that it made me resolve not to hoard anything for "possible" or sentimental value. When I was young, I was a souvenir collector, and a collector of lots of other stuff (I still have not one, but two working texas Instruments Home Computers - complete with software and peripherals -- in the basement).

Well. Anyway. This weekend I was supposed to be working on the Benton Flippen style of "Eighth of January" for my fiddle lessons. But instead, I spent a couple hours tracking down, locating, finding a transcription of, and trying to learn one of the Beausoleil songs ("Chez Seychelles") Which I thought was pretty neat. Distractibility - yes, that's in the list.  Also procrastination. So tonight I guess I better do the scales and the song I was supposed to be practicing so I'll be ready for my lesson on Wednesday.

I could be doing a lot of things instead of writing this blog as well, come to think of it.

So the big question is, am I gonna need medication for this, or do I just need to pay attention to enforcing priorities and organizing myself? We'll see. Stay tuned...